Slowing Down

Have you noticed how speeded up we all seem to be lately? Pulling into my gym parking lot this morning, you would have thought they had just announced “the first 20 to enter the front door this morning win a free trip to Europe!”

Why are we in such a hurry? How is it affecting our interactions with one another? With how we parent? Not to mention our physical and emotional well-being (pay attention to your physical sensations when you’re in the “chicken with its head cut off” mode ... usually your stomach, upper back or chest are screaming for you to move to the slow lane). And, it seems to me we’re moving even faster than we were a year ago (or maybe I’m imagining this!). I would attribute some of this to technology and how we now use email, cell phones and PDAs, etc. Most of my career coaching clients site the constant inability to “unplug.”

Twelve years ago I was introduced to a philosophy/approach which advocates Slowing Down. In fact, the coach I was working with who suggested I start to become aware of how how "present" I am in my day-to-day life, told me I would actually be more effective at work if I slowed down! (Check out Slowing Down to the Speed of Life by Richard Carlson/Joseph Bailey to get a taste of the approach I was introduced to : http://www.amazon.com/Slowing-Down-Speed-Life-Peaceful/dp/0062514547.) At the time, I thought she was crazy.


Thank God (and the coach who helped me shift to begin balancing“being” with “doing”), that has changed. I have now developed an aversion, an actual distaste for living and working at breakneck speed. Sure I do it sometimes, but my body starts setting off very loud alarms that it goes against my natural rhythms and innate health.

What is the speed at which you’re living? Are you pummeling through life in a race car, moving along in a steady Chevrolet, zipping around on a Vespa, soaking up your surroundings on a horse and buggy or maybe you’re on foot? Is the speed at which you’re living your life working for you? How do you feel when you wake up each morning? When you go to bed at night? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

There has been a lot of press about adopting a Slow Food movement. I like it. But first, maybe we all need to start supporting a Slow Life movement. What do you think?

People

I love meeting, learning about, listening to, watching and studying people. I think the human experience is fascinating.

My husband and son and I attended an amazing arts festival in San Antonio, TX yesterday set on the grounds of a 150-year old convent. There were people there of all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, all soaking up great food, aguas frescas, amazing art from around the U.S. incredible music and shade from century-old oak trees.

The three of us relaxed on the grass and rested near a beautiful 7-foot tall stone waterfall sculpture. Nearby, families laughed and squabbled, couples kissed, talked and drank beer and children ran every which way.

I love people and my work as a career and life balance coach over the last nine years has opened up and expanded my heart like I could have never imagined. Hearing executives, artists, sales directors, public policy advocates, moms, software developers and HR leaders share their insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears around their careers and lives, really makes you realize we’re all “one” and truly desire the same things in our lives (once we’re able to get in touch with this).

I’ve had some really difficult—yet amazing—learning experiences lately with people (really whom I barely knew), that have taught me a lot about how I see people: what I call my lens or filter for how I choose to view and interact with those around me.

My husband calls my view a “positive prejudice.” What makes me a really good coach—my ability to hold possibility/potential for others and to be very caring, acccessible & open—sometimes affects me adversely in my day-to-day interactions.

I always expect the best from people and I tend to expect their interactions with me to be on the level at which I interact with them, rather than just meeting them where they’re at. I also have a naturally compassionate orientation, which often spills over into all my interactions with people—regardless of how well I know someone.

I’ve really had some “ah-has” lately around this and how this “positive prejudice” (for lack of a better word) impacts my life. Don’t worry, I’m not becoming cynical or losing hope or optimism, but am I becoming more observant and aware about my patterns.

I think we all have general biases (even if they’re very subtle) about how we tend to think about everything--particularly people. I have some friends who tend to be distrustful or cynical about others, some who think everyone is always asking “what’s in it for me?”, some who tend to always feel inferior—or superior—to their neighbors, some who feel we’re all here to help each other and others who feel as if we're all essentially in our own lifeboats, fighting and struggling to make our way in the world.

What is your lens for how you view others? Before you say, “I wait to get to know people to make any observations,” I’d challenge that belief. Most of us have a general orientation towards the world and toward others. People are ....... (fill in the blank). What is your filter and how does it affect your life experiences (one-on-one and in groups)?

Photo above: Melissa Winkler/The IRC. Women in the Democratic Republic of Congo where this is a horrible war being waged against women. Visit www.theirc.org to learn more about how you can help.

Compassion

Countryside, County Clare, Ireland

Things feel very much like they did post-911 right now (at least career-wise). My clients, friends and men and women I meet through public speaking engagements, seem to feel less sure, less grounded and fearful (if not anxious) about the road before us. Many also share a sense that everything feels very speeded up, that things are moving too fast.

If I were asked “what is one quality you think would be serve the world right now?” my word would be compassion.

I heard a radio interview this morning with a well-known author who said he believes many of us are experiencing “empathy deficit” disorder, due to being overly focused on seeking pleasure or relief from external things and not being connected to those around us.

I find I’m able to really shift when I’m going through a hard time, simply by being more compassionate towards myself. And, when I can move beyond “walking in my brother’s shoes” into feeling true compassion for what they might be experiencing—regardless of their crazy or abrasive behavior--my perspective moves to a different plane altogether.

I have the privilege of getting to serve men and women daily by supporting them on their career path. My clients show up “warts and all”—feeling gratitude for the opportunity to be seen for who they really are. In turn, I am able to hold a space of “possibility” for them and extend deep compassion for their courage in taking risks, asking for/receiving help, being vulnerable, living with "not knowing,"and wanting to experience and be something greater than that which they can currently imagine.

Compassion can also manifest in the smallest ways—a warm smile for someone clearly struggling with kids at the grocery store, a genuine “how are you doing” to the clerk who helps you check out or even just taking time to really “see” a coworker, neighbor, teacher, parent, family member, child or employee who might feel—or are treated as if-- they’re invisible.

Mother Teresa said the fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action. I love that quote.

If you were to choose one quality to “gift” the world right now, what would it be?

Comment on the photo: This weekend, my six-year old decided to create a little “altar” in a corner of his bedroom. to honor qualities that were sacred to him (he heard about this idea from a great book called “Peaceful Piggy Meditation,” http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807563803). One of the items he choe was a beautiful pink flower from our herb garden to symbolize kindness to others. It is amazing how something so “everyday”—when noticed from a new vantage point—can have such a powerful impact.

Enjoy the photo above that I took in County Clare, Ireland on the way to the seashore last summer.

SpiritFood

Isn’t it interesting how your mood or state of mind can swing from such extremes in the course of just a week?

This week I juggled numerous work, staffing, personal and technical challenges and felt, many times, like I just wanted to get in a car and head south to Mexico, ALONE (does anyone else every feel this way?!)

Last weekend I was in a completely different mind space.

My husband, son and I had the opportunity to stay at our friend’s wonderful rustic vacation cabin near Pedernales Falls (photo above) in the Texas Hill Country.

The 24 hour Saturday/Sunday break was exactly what we all needed. We really got to slow down, enjoy time together as a family just being, connect with each other and let any bothersome thoughts or worries be washed away in the waterfalls. (My friend Gail Allen, a wonderful parenting coach, likes to ask women what are their “portals” for nourishment? Nature is definitely mine!)

I was even still feeling the affects of our nature break into Monday night --before my week got really crazy--when I joined 600,000 viewers from 139 countries for Oprah and “Power of Now” author, Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” class via live webcast (http://www2.oprah.com/index.jhtml click on WATCH NOW in the center of the page). It was pretty amazing to feel so connected to such a huge global community all interested in raising their consciousness and the consciousness of our planet. It's not too late to sign up for the free class if this speaks to you.

I think last weekend’s experience at Pedernales Falls was a great reminder to me how helpful it for each of us to *really* know what we need to nourish our spirits and refuel physically and emotionally. And, the realization that often, just 24 hours in a healing environment is all we need to move our perspective (literally and figuratively) to higher ground.

We’re preparing to head to the mountains around Hot Springs, AR to dig for crystals over spring break (we’ve never been, but were told this is a phenomenal trip). I’m looking forward to really letting my stress float away from this past week and hugging some trees high up in the mountains!

If you’re a tree lover too, check out this beautiful piece: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgDX2xpGwAU&feature=related. And then, pull out your calendar and block out some time for a nature excursion of your own this spring.

P.S. If you could use some physical, emotional and spiritual renewal, I’d invite you to join me at The Crossings May 2-4 for our Spring Self-Renewal Retreat (sorry guys, it’s just for women). More at http://www.reneetrudeau.com/order/womensretreat.html.

What Area of Your Life Needs Balancing?

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to lead a wonderful career plannning/exploration workshop in which I challenge professionals to look at their lives and their work in new ways (http://www.careerstrategists.net/mojo0906.html). Facilitating this workshop is one of my favorite ways to serve others through my work. It really feeds me to see these amazing men and women begin to open up to "possibility" and the idea that they really can live the life they desire.


I was pretty exhausted after the workshop ended--presenting and then responding to individual inquiries for help for four hours straight takes a lot of energy--but was grateful for this opportunity to do what I love and coach in a group environment.


It got me thinking about the Balance topic in a new way though.


Many, myself included, believe that we're here to help and support one another; that service to others can be deeply meaningful and spiritually nourishing. The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action--Mother Teresa.


But, the challenge is to find that balance between giving and receiving. (Letting other support you and being open to receiving help that comes your way.)


Balance in all areas of our life is what we all desire (not "perfection," but a healthy ebb and flow where we have enough time, energy and resources to devote to those things that matter to us most).


I work with many clients on finding that balance between work/family and life/family, but what about finding the balance between being and doing, listening and talking, moving and stillness, being "out there" and "going inward," helping your kids and letting them figure things out for themselves, initiating conversation with your spouse and letting things just be, using your masculine vs. your feminine strengths, and on and on?


I'm facinated by this dialogue. What area of your life most needs "balancing"? Clearly a theme in my life is finding balance between giving and receiving. I have a feeling this is the year I'm going to really shift around this area. I can't wait.


I'd love to hear your thoughts on this theme. What does it bring up for you and what area of your life most needs balancing?

Shifting

Have you ever been stuck in a way of seeing things or doing things and you know it isn’t working for you, but you can’t see how to find your way out of this pattern? (Uggh, that can feel uncomfortable!!)

And then, you recommit to your own growth/spiritual work and one day, you have the incredibly joyful (and elated) realization that you’ve SHIFTED and no longer feel compelled to do/see or experience things as you had before?

And, if you’re like me, when you’re in that place where the veil has just been lifted, you might plead “please don’t let me revert back to my old stuck patterns .... I’ve seen there is a new/easier/effortless way and I want to be forever changed!” But, because we’re human, we do revert to old thinking at times—only, we don’t stay as stuck or for as long.

I guess this is what we call spiritual evolution.

When I’ve found myself locked into one of my old, unproductive patterns (for example, buying into the notion that I “must” get certain things at work accomplished before I leave for the day, “or else....” ....or else, what?! .... like there won’t always be more work waiting, not too mention that the amount of work I’m trying to accomplish in a given week is usually impossible given my resources)-- and I can’t “see” anyway to shift, I pray.

Prayer for me is simply connecting with God (whether you call that source Spirit, your Higher Power, the Universe, your intuition or your inner voice).

I surrender my situation and my thinking and I simply and quietly state my desire for a permanent shift in how I see things. “I desire to see and live in a way that serves my highest good.”

Sometimes this shift happens right away. Sometimes it takes weeks, or a month or two. But it always comes.

Thank God.

How many times do we try to “think” our way to feeling better and how often does it work? For me the answer is “never.”

I’d love to hear how your experience or create “shifts” in your life, whether that’s through prayer, meditation, moving your body, painting/drawing, playing music or something else .....

Image: This painting is from Mara Friedman, an amazing artist in the Pacific Northwest who creates images of the Divine Feminine. This particular painting is called Awakening Maiden and "represents a woman blossoming and growing in wisdom and understanding." You can check out and purchase Mara's work at www.newmoonvisions.com.

Happiness when ....?

Do you ever find yourself playing the "I know I'll be happy when .....(fill in the blank: I've finished my project, I have a new job, I'm done with school, my divorce is finalized, my client has paid me, I've figured out what my life purpose is, etc., etc.)?

My husband and I were talking late last night about how deadly this game can be (meaning you can miss out on the simple, day-to-day joys of life if you get too caught up the "future game").

I went in and out of this mindset last year as I rode the "start up mode" waves, busily launching and birthing a new national women's program. When I got stressed out by deadlines or demands from others and wasn't being present or even fun to be around, I would sometimes get lured into the false promise of "but I know I'll be truly happy and stress-free, when ...."

What makes you happy? (I challenge you: grab a piece of paper and a pen and write out the top five things that come to mind.) I find tremendous joy and satisfaction in curling up by the fire and playing a game with my son and husband, making a great meal and serving it to friends or family, hiking in nature and really appreciating its beauty and mystery, hearing a piece of music or seeing a dance performance that moves me deeply or feeling enough spaciousness in my day and schedule to be able to stop and connect with friends or associates I come in contact with throughout the day.

While I may feel brief satisfaction after completing a large project or even enjoy the momentary high that comes from being asked to do something new/big/fun, these things don't permanently impact how happy I am--and, sometimes, they adversely affect my joy and well-being (particulary if they involve more work on my part that results in less downtime with my family).

More and more, I'm realizing that the less I feel I "have to do," (expectations!) and the simpler my life is, the happier I am. I think deep down, we ALL feel this way. Even though this message is the exact opposite of what the media and in many ways, society in general, would have us believe.

Does the answer (to the quest for happines) really revolve around simplicity? I'd love to hear your reflections on this topic.